Masculine Mandate: God’s Calling for Men

By Dr. Richard Phillips

Chapter 6 - God’s Astonishing Design for Marriage

The second part of this book begins by discussing how little most men know about marriage, how it is designed by God, or what its purpose is to be in our lives.  God designed men incompletely.  Only a woman, a wife, can complete us for she is good for our physical, emotional, spiritual and sexual well-being.  She is the one companion who fulfills God’s intention in our lives.  Dr. Phillips describes the wife as a suitable “helper” who is equal in worth to man, yet she is different. The Bible teaches the husband how to love his wife.

Knowing makes all the difference. What do most men need to know about marriage? It is surprising and sometimes shocking how little most men know about the Bible’s teachings on marriage. Even though the basic answers are given to us “back in the garden” in Genesis 2. There is certainly little help from secular society as it is hopelessly confused and deceived about most relational issues. 

The Bible’s teaching about marriage begins with man being incomplete and in need of a “helper.” God looked at Adam and saw he was alone and said, “This is not good.” Men are not created to be alone or in isolation, but to be in companionship with women who are created by God to fulfill His purpose in our lives. We do not find completeness in our jobs or friendships, but in what God created. God said Adam needed a “helper” because it places the primary focus on the mandate to work and keep God’s creation. A wife is called to help her husband in every aspect of life. By God’s design, a man is completed by a woman and not just any woman only his wife. God says, “It is not good for man to be alone” but men tell other men to avoid marriage like the plague. Clearly, this is not God’s desire. The best thing a young Christian man can do is marry a godly young woman.

God did not merely create a woman to help man but to “fit” him. The idea is women are not mirror images of men but are like a puzzle piece that clicks or “fits” together. Our society does not place a high value on being a “helper” but it is noble in the eyes of God. By God’s design, a wife is made for oneness with her husband. Differences between men (husbands) and women (wives) allow a marriage relationship to be compelling and interesting. God wants men to learn to give, serve and love similar to how God gives, serves and loves. The main place we can learn these things is in marriage.

Love is not meant to be easy. Just as God’s gift of His one and only Son was costly, God intends man’s love for his wife to be costly. God’s love is agape - sacrificial, selfless and unconditional. God’s chief purpose in our lives is to teach us to love like Him and we learn that through marriage. It’s not easy and it doesn’t always feel good, but nothing valuable is easy. God does not command that men and women be identical or understand each other completely. God designed us to think and feel differently, but He wants us to “bond together and become one flesh.” Marriage requires us to give up things because of love. The chief end of marriage is that a man (husband) and woman (wife) should know and glorify God together through their lives and love for each other.